Children: What is the law?

The starting point is this: if it is safe for you and your fellow co-parent to work together, that should be your starting point. The courts will expect you to do so, and research consistently shows that reducing conflict has better outcomes for the emotional health of the children and adults involved.

The family court doesn’t automatically get involved in arrangements for your children when you divorce or separate. If you and your co-parent can agree, you don’t need a court to decide anything, you can simply record what you’ve agreed.

If a court does have to decide a question about your child’s upbringing, the Children Act 1989 makes your child’s welfare its paramount consideration. The best interests of your child will be the determining factor. Courts also expect parents to explore agreement outside court, where it’s safe and appropriate to do so, before asking a judge to step in.

No. You will not need a court order if you agree the arrangements for your children’s care. In this respect, it is very different from any agreement you reach about the division of your finances (which does need to be reflected in a Financial Order to be binding). Many parents draw up a parenting plan so they are both clear about what’s agreed, but there is no need for the court to see that document or to approve it.

If your safety or that of your children is at risk, you can seek protective court orders to safeguard you and you should urgently seek individual legal advice. Working together is not appropriate if your physical or emotional safety is at risk.

A parenting plan can cover the practical decisions that come up as you separate: where your children live, how their time is split between you, school and holiday arrangements, communication, day-to-day decisions, and how you’ll introduce new partners as things move forward. It’s designed to be reviewed and adjusted as your children grow, not fixed in place.

Suitable parents can get joint legal advice from one shared solicitor to work through these decisions together, rather than negotiating through two separate lawyers.