How To Support Your Child Through Your Divorce
Knowing how to talk to your child and how to understand their feelings are two of the most important things you can do to help support them through your divorce. Yet, knowing how to approach these two areas can be tricky.
But, don’t worry, there is plenty of help and support available.
How should I talk to my child?
Due to the nature of the situation, it can be tempting to shy away from talking to your child about your divorce process after the event. But just because it makes you feel uncomfortable and you’re not sure how to approach things, doesn’t mean it’s the best approach.
You’re not alone, help is always at hand.
While it focuses on talking to teenagers about divorce, Voices in the Middle’s conversation guide video is a great place for every parent to start. It contains useful tips, questions and advice from young people who have actually experienced their parents divorcing.
Another fantastic resource to better equip you to have conversations with your children about your divorce process is this video from Relate. In it, Relate counsellor Paula Hall provides practical tips on how to talk to your children about separation and divorce.
How can I understand my child’s feelings?
When it comes to a divorce, it can be hard for you to understand how your child is feeling about the situation. Talking to them (using some of the tips contained above) can really help you to better understand how they’re feeling, which will make it easier for you to support them.
Again, Relate have a lot of information on dealing with children’s feelings and behaviour following a divorce which you may find helpful. It includes key topics such as involving your children in decisions and looking out for their self-esteem.
Likewise, Voices in the Middle also have some great information for parents where you can read about how to talk to and support your teenager in the middle of a divorce, including their rights, well-being and protecting their family relationships.
[Related reading: What Is Coparenting & How To Do It Well]
Debunking 4 myths associated with children & divorce
No two divorces are the same. Yet there are often a number of generalisations and myths made about divorce and its impact on children.
It’s time to debunk some of the common ones…
Myth #1 – Children of divorced parents don’t do as well as other children
Wrong! In fact, there is plenty of research to prove the contrary.
However, there is no denying that divorce can take its toll on children, especially when it comes to family finances and conflict. That’s why you and your former partner need to give your children all the support you can, before, during, and after your divorce, while also presenting a united front as much as you possibly can.
Myth #2 – Family structure is the most important factor
Family structure is important, but it’s not as pivotal as the child’s relationships within the family unit. Research shows this. A family post divorce is still a family, just re-shaped.
Regardless of the shape of the family, if a child has strong, loving, supportive relationships, free from unnecessary conflict, they will progress just fine.
Myth #3 – Divorce will always negatively affect children
No. How children react to divorce depends on a number of different factors, often the most crucial of which is how their parents handle the divorce. This is vital to know, because if you are both able to shield your children from your negative emotions surrounding the divorce as far as possible, you will give them permission to thrive through divorce.
Remember in many circumstances, particularly where there has been a lot of conflict throughout a marriage, research shows that getting divorced can actually be beneficial for the children involved.
Myth #4 – Shielding children from divorce will stop it from hurting them
While it might feel as though shielding your children from your divorce proceedings will better protect them, the reality is that, in most situations, talking about what’s happening often helps them cope better.
The fact of divorce, presented in a child-appropriate way, is not damaging in itself, what children need shielding from is the inter-parental conflict.
If you have more questions about this topic or any other legal issues arising on divorce or separation, please do get in touch as we are always happy to help. You can call us on 0203 488 4475 or email contact@thedivorcesurgery.co.uk
Author Name: Editor
Published content by The Divorce Surgery Editorial Team.
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